chu aa he

helloooo! ;D how is everyone doing? ;) well im currently doing well, AS is in 2 weeks but im still not as stress as i thought i would be yet. still fooling and playing around. i dont know why, dont ask me, i just feel as though i still got some time to study. i get it that everyone around me is super stressed, but seriously, im feeling like its okay :) btw its only 4 subjects over a course of more and a month, so theres still time right? :) ive started to be involved in church, i know you must be thinking im crazy cause it near AS but i have priorities :) btw seek the kingdom of God first and all these things will be added :) been hanging with the Homies recently, im having more and more fun each time. like seriously, the things that we talk about :X OMG IM SHOOO EXCITED FOR HOMES THIS WEEK :DD and ive also been hanging out with my housemate A LOT. like 4 days in a week, and all we do is eat. LOL XD haha cause she will be leaving after her A2 :( so yea ;)  oh yea and i had a great time talking to Lam on Skype. my gosh, long time didnt talk that much already XD HAHAHA lam, make sure you dont give up ah! :D hehe so people, do skype me so i can talk more and more. i need it! :D

sorry but im gonna pollute your eyes with myself XD HAHA

 one fine day when i was just doing homework with my friends, and my friend asked for my calculator and this is what i got back XD

 yesss drool! :D hehe went to steamboat with Homies, we ate so much. like everyone also eat a lot :P

 this is the table that i sat, there is another table and there are actually more plates around so you can imagine how much we ate. like after the steamboat, i went back feeling like i was sick with food. 

 this is just one meal that i had with my housemate last week :D KOREAN

 my housemate says that i always bring here go eat and spend money. HAHA

 i needed all the help i can get for my face. 

 KK people met up for a movie on Sat. the movie was kinda good, the story line very different but Chung say the ending sucks. but i think its okay ah :D i picked the movie so i think its good! :D

 BEWARE! sorry ah its been a while since i took pics and all. forgive the vanity. and just ignore the sweat, i was sweating heavily walking back. yea XD oh yea this is after church. i promised myself to make it an effort to dress up nicely for church every week cause we were told to dress our best for God :D

 my friend from church asked me today whether i had a BF. i was shocked and thought yea righttttt while laughing inside but i said NO lah of course. then she said that she thought i did and i looked like someone who had one. HAHA I WISH :P i got imaginary one lah, super hot and tall and good looking, who is good in sports and okay in studies plus know how to play an musical instrument. and and has to be romantic and sweet. preferably korean. HAHAHA :P

okay, it is my honor to introduce someone to you, a new addition to my family :DDDD his name is Micaiah Jiang, my cutest nephew :P isnt he cuteeeee? hehe my parents and grandparents are in Melbourne now with my sis to help out. they are having a super great time. and my dad is so excited everyday, yessss i can tell by his voice when he calls ;) hehe i cant wait to see my nephew soon! :D how can you not love this boy? :D

"Obedience is far better than sacrifice. God fights for us, so wait on Him cause everything falls in its right timing. Love the job of waiting" Ps. Kenneth

just when you think youre getting used to life, things happen to turn it upside down again. sigh, i feel like i need to talk to someone. i feel like i need a holiday, i need my parents to be around and to just not worry even for a second. i miss home.

"Say what you want about your problems, difficulties and pain, but those are the reasons that allowed a part of God being revealed to you. Sometimes God leaves a scar in our lives. yes it is healed, it doesnt hurt but He leaves a scar for us to remember Him bringing us through those difficult times." -Ps. Andy

MOONCAKE.

its the weekend again! oh how i wish that weekends are longgggg so that i can sleep more. been so so tired lately that even though i have 3 hours of nap in the evening, i still end up sleeping at 10 at night. HAHA i think my sleeping mode is back! AS is really really soon and im preparing, my mocks results were kinda bad, i mean its an average but i know i could do better. SOOOOO many stupid and careless mistakes. HAIHHH but at least its not AS and im gonna make sure i dont repeat those mistakes ;) anyways, imma shooo excited cause my friends were talking about coming over to KK to have a holiday after A levels so i, being a great friend invited them XD hehe and well, THEY ARE COMING FOR A WEEK! since they still dont believe that we DONT stay on trees so yea ;) and we have been talking about what we are gonna do for that week! i sense that its gonna be an AWESOME week! :D imma shooo excited just talking about it! and whats great is that my mom and dad are coming over as well next year to help me move back so im kinda relieve cause i dont have to drag all these stuff back. haha oh yea, my room mate left me :( she moved out yesterday and all, so sad lah. lonely again but oh well, i have the room to myself now. please do pray for a nice roommate, preferably Korean :) hehe

this is a pic my mom sent me during the Jubilee year celebration in KK. haha she was so excited, my gosh she sent me a video as well.

 my room mate being sweet again bought me really good food when she got back. AWWWWWW now i miss her :(((

oh yea, so as all of you guys might know, Stephanie came for a visit! :D hehe so excited to finally see her and ke po a bit. so great to know that shes doing alright and soooo fair and pretttiiiiieee :))) hehe

 i had to endure public transportation for 2 hours alone and the heat. but it was all worth it :) and another hour half coming back. yea sorry for my ugly face and all, too tired and all. just focus on her :)

okay so Clement sent us all postcards! :D Danial said he got it a few weeks ago and then i went to check, i didnt know it was wayyyyy deep inside the mailbox and all. then stanley told me that he got his even earlier than danial, i got irritated. haha then i went to check again TWICE until i found it super super down inside the mailbox. pai seh lah me XD

recently ive been always going out with my housemate to EAT. haha we eat out almost everyday last week, she said that everytime i always ask her out sure go eat. HAHA i wanted to spend time with her cause shes leaving already at the end of the year and she super nice to me ever since i moved in. SABAHAN mahhhhhh :)

on thur, my college had this fire drill, haha super dumb, we evacuated to pyramid. then we never came back lah, missed physics class. i swear, not on purpose one XD the person ask us to evacuate to pyramid. haha

 got a nes book! recently have the urge to read again! :D

 THIS IS THE BEST EVER THING CREATED! :D i thought Zen Q is good BUT THIS IS TEN TIMES BETTER! :D green tea is the bestttttt :D i crave for this like every day lah. actually i only like the ice lah :D hehehe recently im so in love with green tea flavoured things, my friend gave me this green tea kitkat from japan, i was so happy and she was so surprise. haha

 last night i went to the greatest place on earth! :D haha super fun at Homes, i didnt know that by the time i got back it was 1 am XD food was so good and the people was nice and all. its been like a few months in church already and now i know more people, church is a nice place! :D hehe AND AND WE PLAYED WITH LATERNS AND ATE MOONCAKE! :D super super fun times infinity. haha i sound like an overexcited kid now XD cannot explain my excitement XD and i met new people as well :) 

 sorry for the blurry pics, i was helping out to light the laterns so yea :)

 oh yea, on Monday after coming back from meeting Steph, i asked my housemate whether she wanted to eat some desert so since she didnt eat dinner, i accompanied her to pyramid to eat. so when i got back, theres this super loud music and all so i asked her whos concert is it. i mean there has been a lot of concerts in lagoon and all but this time it was loud, like free music. HAHA and it was the wanted. so yea, not a lot of people actually kinda like maybe only a few hundred? and its not really really publicize cause we all Sunway people also dont know. HAHA

it has been so hot lately in KL i dont know why. i never off my aircond now. haha yeap, walk to anywhere and you will sweat, which is kinda good lah but yea :) alright, im off, feeling kinda tired even i slept for 4 hours just now for a nap XD LOL 

church tomorrow! WOO HOO! 

going against the flow.

heyyyyy ;) this feels weird, like very long i havent been online XD haha yesss i do miss blogging but im getting used to not blog. anyways, trials are over! *screaming and jumping! WOOOOOOOo :) the past few weeks has been really really hard, looking back, i dont know how i did it. how are my exams? well just to say that im really blessed i didnt jumped of a building. haha now i just realised that every paper takes only an hour. woah really really hard hour. study like a mad person for that hour. the hour that you would use your brain the most in your entire life. haha anyways its over and AS is in 3 weeks! :P oh yea, just to say, this exam is my very first time starting to study that early, i started earlier than a month before, WOAH if you know me, i never start that early. haha yeap :) one thing, thank God i have great friends here :) at least im beginning to feel belonged :) so many things i wanna blog about cause over these few weeks, ive been thinking a lot, thoughts that challenge who i am and how ive been as a christian. just cut it short, thoughts of regret.

took me quite some time to write this post, this post will be a meaningful one. ive been avoiding wanting to blog and to just blog a short one before church just now but i didnt well, cause simply i needed time to think through and all. i know you must be thinking that ive been busy studying and all, yes i was busy, not enough sleep but you know how random your thoughts are right? XD HAHA im starting to blab now. OH NO im like chung when she just finished her exam :O HAHA well errr here goes :) haha before that here are some vain pics XD i was too stressed out so yea ;) one thing, believe me, i have this confidence that comes from God that everything will be alright cause i have God. its like all these achievements that i have, i mean education wise, its because i have God on my side.  i mean i dont study at all lah if theres no exam and no i dont do the extra things but somehow rather it works ;) a lot of people ask me about applying for dentistry in UK, i got nothing special but i dont know lah, its like i have this peace that i will make it. its a competitive course and all but i have God with me, what can go against that? im not bragging, im just saying that what makes me different is because i have a God who is bigger than everything ;) 

oh yea ive been having my own korean drama/ movie marathon in my room. ive watched like an entire drama series in a day, i am that stressed XD HAHA anyways i just recently watched this korean drama, my gosh, its a really really sad drama. its like those super melancholic love story korean drama except that its a series! well i cried in all the episodes. thats how good it is. the story super sad lah, like two people were destined to meet but they didnt have fate. then its like the actors were really good, i could feel what they were trying to bring out. you guys wanna cry? go check out this series, its called tree of heaven :) only 10 episodes, enough to touch you and make you cry :) the quote i remember the most and touched me,  너를 지켜 줄 gye yea .미도. 영원히. 

haha i cannot find the translation for the two words. haha

OMG IM SUPER EXCITED IM MEETING MY GIRLFRIEND TMR! :D 

this was during the kids performance in church! i was all AWWW and tears wet my eyes. i miss praise kids :( BUTTTTT IM GONNA BE SERVING IN ACTS KIDS SOONNNNNNN :D 

this was after my second last paper, i cannot tahan already with all the unhealthy eating so i decided to go fix my craving for Korean with my house mate! :D theres actually more food that this but we were too hungry to wait and take pics XD haha

ohhhh yea after my last paper, my friends and i went to bowl! :D if you know me, i love to bowl :) hehehe but i dont get to that often though.

after bowling i went to look for my babe :) i cannot believe what a shopaholic she is now XD HAHAHA never ever go out with this girl, shes dangerous XD i always shop with her around. dont know how we do it lah, its like even though its just pyramid where i go almost every day, i still manage to find something to buy with her! HAIIHHHHHH :P oh why baby clothes? HAHA i was looking for a gift for my eldest sis, you might not know but SHES GIVING BIRTH SOON TO MY NEPHEW! :D hehehehehe CONGRATS SIS ;D im proud of her! :D

this was the best i could do to hide my hideous eye bags, i tahan smiling that gao gao cause i would look like i dont have eyes. haha

like ghost movie right? HAHAHA GOTCHA :D my room punya light rosak and my room mate and i just came back and it was too late to inform the office and ngam ngam my roommate leaving back for her hometown. my own haunted room. haha

haha sorry for being so vain and all. this was after church and after tribe meeting. IM OFFICIALLY AN ACTS PARTNER! XD haha thats my name tag XD see it took me the whole day to think about what i wanna post XD LOL

 okay well you know how ive transferred colleges and now im in KL? i thought it was the best decision at that time and that im gonna be alright. every time when someone asks me why i transferred, i tell them i had a scholarship that required me to, which is not entirely false but i know im lying. kills me every time people ask cause memories then start flooding back. i know how other people really thought of me, how stupid i was to just run away from everything. yes im constantly asking myself whether i made the right decision, how much regret i felt. im so screwed up inside that i needed time to myself. i just realised how sinful and lustful i was. just to let you know, lust can be just anything that you think that is not right. sin doesnt just come when you do it, it already started when you think about it. ive been so caught up with just leaving that in the end im the one who's regretting and hurting not only myself but other people around me. but still, i think this is Gods plan because if not, i wouldnt have came here and went to Acts. and i wouldnt have confronted with myself and deal with the hurt. a lot of people think that i must be crazy to be super good friends with guys that i was once involved with, honestly i think so too, but theres something inside me that is afraid that they will hate me. have you ever thought how scary it will be when someone who claims that they love you today but ended up hating you the next? i have. and i dont think i could ever hate anyone, its a sin btw. yeap every time when i think that im okay, emotions then attack me and i feel like im alone. i have super great friends but yea im alone. my friends here have been great help, im slowly letting go of my past. my friend once told me that everyone thought that im this super quiet girl who has been through a lot cause im always gazing and not concentrating. and that i just never tell them my past. no i have never ever mention anything about myself at all until a day. cause its just that what i remembered was all the anger and hurt and disappointment. have you ever held back your tears so badly that your whole body starts to shiver? its scary right? and every time when my friends talk about me and some other guy, theres this fear inside that history is going to repeat itself and then i keep my distance with that guy friend. then i start to think that i will hurt that guy if i be too close and im never going to be good enough. yea all the crap that i allow the devil to put in my head. im being honest, i miss what ive built in IS the past few months, friendships. heres something that i felt i needed to do.

dear you,

ive got to be honest with you. you were the first person i loved. i do miss you even now, i know it sounds crazy. thoughts of getting back keep surfacing in my mind and i might as though feel like i still have feelings for you. but theres this one thing that i cannot accept. i just cannot trust you. not once but twice. you remember last christmas? my best one yet so far. new years was something as well, i finally felt like you were serious. no i dont hate you, in fact i forgive you :) no i didnt break up and then straightly started another one to make you jealous. maybe i just felt empty inside. i didnt mean to break your heart as well. i didnt mean to hurt you. im so sorry. so many times that i wanted to talk to you but held back cause i know what im gonna feel after that. so many times that i miss you and thought of you. and i hate myself cause its wrong. so yea, you were the best to me.

to you,

so sorry things didnt work out. i still dont get what happened. im still confused. you brought the most happiness to me. it was my mistake to bring things too fast and i know that made you scared. i cannot seem let go. seriously almost every night when i close my eyes, i see you. no im not trying to make you feel bad and all by being close, i just want to make you feel better after everything and i want to make myself feel better for letting you be the reason i choose to leave. you broke my heart but i felt like i broke your confidence. if i could choose, i would rather we never met and cross paths. that way you wouldnt be this way. i am praying hard that one day we would be great friends again.

dear you,

words cannot express how sorry i am. so many times ive hurt you. i didnt mean to, im serious. it was never my intention. im so used to being such good friends with you that maybe i gave you the wrong idea. i love being friends with you, i love how you care for me. i know im selfish so yea. really really sorry. and now that the distant is there im being all scared and all cause maybe im feeling that youre not as caring for me as before. im sorry for being selfish. im gonna get used to the change. so sorry.

to you,

youre the one regret i had when i left. great friends today strangers tomorrow. sorry i hurt you, sorry i made you see me cry, sorry i left suddenly, sorry i failed you, sorry i made you feel you were second hand. my one prayer is to reconcile that relationship we had.

holding all these creates all the bitterness and i dont want to have intentions of sinning. pastor preached today that what makes Gods blessings stop flowing is because we dont have the same intentions as God's. even just having stupid thoughts is enough to make you sin. were actually all very selfish, thinking about ourselves and not what God wants. im gonna make an effort to love my God and everyone more! :D theres hope, joy and peace but love conquers all ;)

i choose to let go.

Don't break down Kim, you can do this.