words cannot even describe how i feel now. sometimes i feel like im okay then i suddenly tear up and the next minute im laughing. have you ever had this feeling before? the feeling like you lost something, found it, swore you wouldnt loose it anymore but you still lost it? i need someone to tell me that im gonna be okay. making myself busy and loading up my work temporarily takes the hurt away but when i lay awake at night, the flash backs come running through my mind and then my pillow is wet again. even writing this makes me tear up. i dont understand why would this happen to me, to us. i just dont understand why. 

love is certainly not the only thing that matters the most.