UNCHANGEABLE.

pray for me, i have tests coming up!

i hate how persuasive Stanley is whenever i go out with him :p BLEKKKK he can persuade me to buy things even when i know im suppose to save. no matter whether its clothes or food or Starbucks! tsk tsk seriously kick lah him :P

this song is definitely the best! :D go listen to it! by Chris Tomlin ;)

i feel so down man, gosh went to church today :) i felt better then everything comes flooding back. first time in my entire life, i feel alone. im trusting God fully in this. help me God! todays sermon was about how much faith we have to put in God in order for Him to bless us. its seriously that easy, WE JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN HIM ;D i hate the feeling everytime i go to church, i feel like crying. i do hold back, mind you. dont get me wrong, i love going to church. i just hate the feeling of being unhappy? its like that sadness rushes up and you feel your eyes stinging and soon, its filled with tears. its like an indication of how unhappy i have been, the worst part is that ive been ignorant about it. i just live life for the sake of living it, pushing aside my feelings. and i realized ive been living a life of a lukewarm christian. its so hard i cannot explain how hard. i know i sound like a crybaby now, you just dont know what im going through. i miss KK so much, i need to talk to someone. heres the funny thing, my friends here ask me why am i so quiet. I HAVE NEVER BEEN QUIET. its like i do talk to them, but i cannot seem to fit right in. i did try, i swear. another indication of how "unKimberly" i have been. im afraid sooner or later, the Kim i was will never be the same. maybe i should go exercise and do some stress relieve activity. maybe i can relieve the sadness.  

Dear God, help me get through this. i know i am strong but You are stronger. im praying that i am able to apply to the uni of my choice and that i would definitely work hard to get there. let every situation that comes in my way be an opportunity for Your miracles to happen. i believe in You. i believe You put turbulence to make me grow, to open my eyes and to teach me. im praying for a vacant space in the hospital nearby or that i will make it in time for the application even after i do my hospital attachments. im sorry for not depending on You and going on with my ignorant ways. forgive me for being selfish without putting You first. help me to get through life knowing that im not alone, i have everything with me and i have You :) grant me wisdom, understanding, focus, self confidence and faith. i need You. help me understand that life is never easy but it is not impossible, with You :) help me to never stop loving and living for You. help me to get back on track. lead me and guide me. show me Your way. AMEN.