MAMA

oh yessss, it has been long since i've raved about some Korean dude. currently im really into Exo K. i dont really like new groups but this group caught my attention the first time i saw them perform :D gosh i was instantly attracted to how good they are especially the front guy. OH YESSSSS KAI :D isnt he just cute? and the way he dance is :O

yes this post is dedicated to Exo K and Kai. haha you guys should go check out this new group. theyre really good :)

 hehehe :D 

:')

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU KERRY LEE XIAO WERN! :D

sorry i couldnt celebrate it with you but you know i love you! haha being friends with you has been great, finally legal now eihhh ;) do continue to stay cute and awesome, just the way you are. remember that youre always beautiful and NOT short. never let other people look down on you! and and please do well for the IS night. its my baby :( anyway hope you had a great birthday(which i know you did) haha and God bless! :D lots of love from meeeee <3 <3 <3 <3

2012 CNY

 2012 BIRTHDAY

 2011 PROM

2010 BIRTHDAY

 2009 PREFECTS DINNER

haha i know you will kill me for putting up these pictures, i look horrible also! XP

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE

sun, beach, swimsuits, sunsets, bowling and fun :)

it has been wayyy too long since i had this much fun or in fact felt this happy. yesterday was super! (minus out the part where Alvin lost his phone) went out to play with awesome people to Sutera. played in the beach, swam A LOT(finally acted dead enough :p) then awesome sunset dinner, BOWLING :D and lastly, yam cha. great day with great people.

 my friendsss all very seexxxaaayyy eih? ;)

yea i was bored cause Hyun Ju took a LOONNNGGGGG time.

 sunset dinner, every girl's dream ;) just that now i have soo many dates! :D

Yvonne came along cause she misses me. AWWWWW <3

 need no more explanation, picture explains it all ;)

 oh oh! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KIM BO :DD

finally legal ehhh :) i dont really know him that well but i know hes a great guy :D HAPPY SWEET EIGHTEEN YAWWWW :P

 another best part of the day, BOWLING :D

 HAHAHHAHAHAHAH I RULE THIS GAME :D

now i wanna play more and more. anyone bring me?

 i loveee the polaroids i took :)

for you love :)

finally something i can be happy about, things are getting better and i might be going sooner than i expected! THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS :) You really have everything planned out :)))

Avengers, assemble!

WOOOOHHOOOOOO :D this week was wayyyy better than last week. haha going out and having fun makes a whole lot of things better ;) anyway im gonna update on what i did throughout this week. 

went out on tuesday for a movie :) watched the Avengers. oh yea, its good :)

 Alyssa and Stephanie wasnt in the picture because i think they went to the toilet. yea

 i found something that i could do now, BAKE! :D baked cupcakes and made pancakes! 

 sorry, i cannot seem to freaking rotate this picture.

burnt my hand while baking, it hurts like your skin is on fire, the skin tore off also when i was swimming, someone accidently touched it :(

letting go

long emo post ahead. i advise you to stop if you're in a good mood.

staying at home all day long has given me a chance to think what has my life had been like all these while. ever since i was young, studying has been my number one priority, nothing else, just studying to be successful in the future. since then, i have always push myself to do the best, or even over what i am capable of. stress and pressure has been a normal part of my life. i was told that if i didn't do well, i would disappoint both my parents. growing up, i tried my best to impress everyone around especially my parents because of all the disappointments and hurts my siblings brought to them. never have i once dared to do anything to hurt my parents therefore studying really hard and getting excellent results was my one priority. to make my parents proud and happy. now staying at home doing nothing, i feel like I've failed. I've failed everyone. all the effort i have put in. i failed. 

no one understands what i am going through and no i don't want pity. i know I've made stupid decisions, falling in love. many things i can't understand and all these hurts. what we use to have, something i felt special. i felt like i was the happiest girl and certainly the luckiest to have him love me. i finally felt like that emptiness was filled. i was loved by everyone. i love everything about it. i was in fact forced to go into IS and i intended to leave after i get my SPM results. but as time goes by, i felt happy again. not a feeling that comes and goes like the wind, genuine happiness. i felt like i belonged there. he made me feel like i had someone to go to, to depend on and someone to talk to all the time. i look forward to going to school to see him, sit with him, watch him sleep in class, hit him hard on the face, talk the whole night with him, hear him fall asleep and snore, just spending time with him. we were so much alike in many ways. i gave my all. i felt like i really had a great loving boyfriend. and then everything just starts to shatter. everything that i loved and trusted, fell apart. love is a big, beautiful and meaningful word, and i don't simply use it. it shouldn't be used in just any way. he promised he would make me fall in love with him. he promised we would watch the sunset together. he promised he wouldn't make me cry like how my ex made me. he promised we would go through everything together when my parents disagreed. he promised he would bring me to IS night which both of us worked hard in. he promised he would love me more today than yesterday. he promised his love was true and much greater than mine. and i believed it.

i don't understand what happened. i cannot understand. how can someone love you so much today and just stop tomorrow? how can you mean the world to that person this minute and not anymore the next? how can someone wish you were his this moment and not the next? can feelings just go away like that? how can he hurt me this way? doesn't he know that tears don't just dry like that? i love him.

the worse thing is that i cannot even bring myself to hate him. i hate myself. i hate myself for being not good enough. not even good enough to be compared to that girl.

unless you had someone you loved leave you like that then don't try to tell me how i should feel and forget. don't even judge cause you don't have the right to. i know i should let go.